The Du'a (Prayer) that Saved my Marriage ♥

It was the Spring of 2009, the year I started this blog under a different title "Our Life". Many changes were happening: we had just moved to Tyler, TX , my oldest son had moved out, and I had a block, well no .... block sounds too light, I had a head on collision in my spiritual life which consequently affected my marriage. Many Religious people understand that when you are disconnected from God everything in your life will eventually fall apart and I was of no exception: it was all falling apart.

I wanted to leave my marriage with Humble Dad, we had been married 10 years since 1998 and I felt I had tried long enough to keep it together. My mother and father divorced when I was two, both sets of grandparents were divorced and remarried. I really wanted to end this cycle of divorce in my family and I came into the marriage believing strongly in "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part." But I was being tested in my words and in my beliefs....

I remember the day vividly when I drove off, eastward towards my grandma's house in Maryland. I made it as far as Arkansas before I turned around. I couldn't go through with it, but I knew something had to change  . . . and like many people who consider divorce, I was under the delusion that the other spouse: Humble Dad in my situation, was the person who needed changing.

There is a Spiritual and Physical law: wherever you go, there you are... you can not run away from yourself. 

I love the South, I truly do, I love the people, I love the lack of pretentiousness by many of them, that what you see is what you get: the sincerity. I love the values: yes that Good Southern Hospitality, and moreover, I love their respect for God, marriage, and the family. We, Muslims have plenty to learn from Christians and Jews whom have set up institutions to preserve their religious beliefs in a very secular country, including but not limited to schools, community centers, & social support services (we do not have to reinvent the wheel). In Tyler, TX, they had institutions that promoted healthy marriages, VOW is the one we used and that I am very grateful for. Although, they were Christian in nature, it was for the community at large. Not only did they provide free marriage counseling services, they also had free/low cost Marriage Weekend Retreats. The counseling helped and it led me to a book that I "just happened" upon, The Power of a Praying Wife that completely changed my views and let me know I was the one that needed to be changed and only Allah had the Power to change me.

Then I took the prayers in this book, combined them and made it more relative to my situation and made it into a du'a that I said regularly. It really is miraculous how Allah has changed my marriage, specifically to this du'a. I pray that others can find these prayers helpful. . . and like with anything once you see results, you may put them down or stop them altogether . . . however, it is good to revisit it sometimes, so that you don't loose it. The inspiration for this blog post came out of my need to revisit the du'as and refresh my own marriage intentions.

InshaAllah, Humble Dad and I will celebrate our 16th anniversary next month.

Short Version:
Bismilah ir Rahman ir Raheem
Ya Allah, Help me to take care of my home and run it well. Help me to keep myself healthy, strong and help me to dress attractively. Ya Allah, help me to be giving and conscientious about the future. Help me to cover and guard my beauty. Ya Allah, keep me beautiful, strong, solid and take away any fear of the effects of old age. Ya Allah, help me to speak wisely and kindly. Help me to pay attention to my home, keep my vision clear of things that I may need to address through duas. Ya Allah, allow my children and my husband to appreciate me and for them to remain forever by my side. Ya Allah, help me to love and fear You. Ya Allah, give me a fruitful life and let me feel peace and tranquility in it. Ya Allah, allow me to support (husband’s name) in all the good that he does, even if I do not see it as good, allow me a clear vision of Your Plan for us. Give me Patience to accept what I cannot change, give me the Strength to change all that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Ameen.

Long Version:

Ya Allah, help me to be a good wife, I fully realize that I don’t have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, and self-protective stance. Ya Allah, make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled. Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with Your Grace. Ya Allah, only You can restore my heart to it’s fitra, the pureness it was at birth, Ya Allah, please restore my heart, fill it with Love, Tranquility (peace), and Happiness (joy).

Ya Allah, take away all the slivers in my heart, especially with regard to my husband. Please forgive me for the times that I’ve been critical, unloving, angry, resentful, disrespectful, or unforgiving towards (husband’s name). Help me to get rid of any hurt, anger, or disappointment I feel and forgive him the way You are the Most Merciful and the Most Forgiving. Make me a tool of reconciliation, tranquility, and healing in this marriage. Enable us to communicate well and keep him forever by my side.

Ya Allah, make me (husband’s name)’s helpmate, companion, champion, friend and support. Help me to create a peaceful, restful, safe place for him to come home to. Teach me how to take care of myself and stay attractive to him. Grow me into a more beautiful, creative, and confident woman who is rich in mind and soul. I release (husband’s name) from the burden of fulfilling me in areas where only You can fulfill me, Ya Rabb. Ya Allah, only you hold the Real Love that I have been searching for all my life, I realize this now and accept it. So help me to accept my husband for who he is and not try to change him. Ya Allah, only you have the Power to change (husband’s name) in the way that You want him to change. Ya Allah, please help him to change into the man that You want him to become, into a person deserving of Jannah (paradise) and full of Taqwa. I fully accept that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only You, Allah, are Perfect and I beg of You to perfect us.

Ya Allah, teach me to make the right duas for (husband’s name) and make my duas a true language of love. Where love has died, create new love between us. Show me what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it in a way (husband’s name) can clearly perceive. Ya Allah, bring unity between us so that we can be in agreement about everything and allow everything to be in line with Your Truth and Your Law.

Ya Allah, shower Your Mercy upon us, grant us to be like minded toward one another, according to Your Will. Make (husband’s name) and I a team, not pursuing separate, competitive, or independent lives, but working together, overlooking each other’s faults and weaknesses for the greater good of the marriage. Ya Allah, help us to pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. May we be “perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.”

Ya Allah, please allow our commitment to You and to one another to grow stronger and more passionate every day. Enable (husband’s name) to be the head of the home as You made him to be, and show me how to support and respect him as he rises to that place of leadership. Ya Allah, help me to understand his dreams and see things from his perspective. Ya Allah, give Your Grace to this marriage.

Ya Allah, change me into the person you want me to become. Give me a new perspective, a positive outlook, and a renewed relationship with (husband’s name). Ya Allah, help me to see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion, and new acceptance. Allow me to be his wife for the rest of this life on earth and his twin mate in Paradise to be together for all time, Eternally. Ameen.

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